If I were a marryin’ man,
I’d marry a piper’s daughter.
If I were a marryin’ man,
I’d marry a piper’s daughter.

‘Cause she’d blow hard,
and I’d blow hard,
and we’d blow hard together.
Blowin’ hard in the middle of the night,
Blowin’ hard forever!

If I were a marryin’ man,
I’d marry a plumber’s daughter.
If I were a marryin’ man,
I’d marry a plumber’s daughter.

‘Cause she’d lay pipe,
and I’d lay pipe,
and we’d lay pipe together.
Layin’ pipe in the middle of the night,
Layin’ pipe forever!

If I were a marryin’ man,
I’d marry a farmer’s daughter.
If I were a marryin’ man,
I’d marry a farmer’s daughter.

‘Cause she’d raise cock,
and I’d raise cock,
and we’d raise cock together.
Raisin’ cock in the middle of the night,
Raisin’ cock forever!

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I first heard this from Jimmy Kelly in Princeton, BC, Canada in 2025.